I know it's not a new thing - it's the same fucking problem it has ever been.
I have a hard time opening up to people. I sit there and stare at them and I wanna say something but it just doesn't come out right. The words just don't come out.
I have just no clue how I became like this. When did it all - did I go wrong?
It's not like i didn't get enough love. Because I did. From my friends, and my family.
What's the first word that comes to mind? Love-Lust-Sex-Guilt-Lies
It's getting harder and harder to see the truth. For myself I mean.
I act like I'm this fun, maybe confident person. I used to be good at it.
Truth is, I am quiet. Not because I don't have anything to say. Or maybe...
You can see this, you know this. You don't know me though. Not really.
Not at all.
I mean... nothing. Never mind. Doesn't matter. All good. I'm fine.
Something needs to change because I'm not getting any better.
It's only getting worse.
It's not easy for anyone. I think when we look at people we forget how hard it can be to put this face on, to act fine, to say you're having fun.
Because you feel obligated.
I could never tell people I didn't like something. In general I mean. I cannot admit that maybe I didn't have a great time or maybe I don't like all that.
And I feel stupid because I see people I love falling apart and just think I don't have it that bad, because actually everything is fine. The only obstacle is me.
Perfect fucking life.
Maybe I always had it too easy. Maybe that's why I never got good at life.
And in the end I just feel like none of that matters. Because nothing really matters and these are the days when I wonder whether its worth it to get out of bed.
My only problem is that I have none.
Now I'm only rambling. But I get out of bed. Everyday. Usually. Because I don't wanna let anyone down.
And that's kinda how it's always been. But maybe I forgot about me. Maybe I let myself down.

Shut the fuck up and stop being so melodramatic. Pathetic. Fits.